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The pressure is on. With the Academy Awards set to be held this Sunday, I have to select every Oscar category correctly, as I threw 10 Large Ones ($10) to enter in the high stakes Phil Wallace (not to be confused with The Bocker.com’s very own James “Wallace” Thomas) 7th Annual Oscar Pool. With roughly 100 entrants, amounting to a $1000 purse, the pressure to prognosticate the winner for each award, from Best Picture right down to Best Animated Short, will be immense. I offer to you the reader, my breakdown of every Oscar category as a cash prize hangs heavy on my head.

Before I dive into my analysis and selections, I want to lay down the ground rules of Phil Wallace’s 7th Annual Oscar Pool. Every entrant is to select a winner in each of the 26 award categories. Each category is weighted, so Best Picture is worth 8 points, while Best Costume Design is only 2 points. The entrant with the most points wins and money prizes are given to those that finish in the top 10% of the field. Ties are broken by most categories correct.

Part 1 of my post will be on the lower point value production categories while part 2 will handle the big money acting, directing and best picture categories. I will begin with the 0.5 point categories and proceed upwards. And remember, big money is on the line. (Winners are in bold)

0.5 Point Categories (Shorts)
I don’t even know where to watch shorts. I know someone has taken a great mess of time to create these short movies, but they don’t play them at my cineplex or even at the weird arts theatre. I vote that Oscar shorts should have to be viewable on YouTube for consideration.

Best Live Action Short
At Night
Il Supplente (The Substitute)
Le Mozart des Pickpockets (The Mozart of Pickpockets)
Tanghi Argentini
The Tonto Woman

No idea, so I’m going to assume the Academy also has no idea and will opt for the English one with the cooler title. At Night it is.

Best Animated Short
I Met the Walrus
Madame Tutli-Putli
Meme Les Pigeons Vont au Paradis (Even Pigeons Go to Heaven)
My Love (Moya Lyubov)
Peter & the Wolf

Its tempting to pun a reference to G.I. Joe underoos when discussing Animated Shorts, but I’m somewhat above that. Seriously though, I haven’t seen a good animated short since Beavis and Butthead (see below) left MTV. Employing a similar method as live action short, I pick Peter and the Wolf, as its title is readily pronounceable and even has a familiar story.

Best Documentary Short
Freeheld
La Carona (The Crown)
Salim Baba
Sari’s Mother

These must be like those evening news vignettes profiling single working moms and 70-year-old marathon runners, except with arty filmwork. La Carona sounds cool in my book. I hate thinking that I may blow 0.5 points because La Carona sounds cool. Below is my nominee for this category.

1 Point Categories (Foreign Films and Documentaries)
These are movies that I watch after they win awards because else I rarely hear about them. The foreign films may not even be out in the US yet for all I know. And unless its Michael Moore produced (or about eating McDonalds for a month), documentaries don’t make it to my multiplex.

Best Foreign Film
Beaufort - Israel
The Counterfeiters - Austria
Katyn - Poland
Mongol - Kazakhstan
12 - Russia

I only included the country of origin because it came along with my copy/paste. The Counterfeiters has apparently gotten great reviews and is about the Holocaust in some way, which is Oscar gold (Kate Winslet said it in Extras, it must be true). Furthermore, critics compared it favorably to last year’s foreign champ, The Lives of Others, which beat out the favored Pan’s Labyrinth.

Best Documentary Feature
No End in Sight
Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience
Sicko
Taxi to the Dark Side
War/Dance

I have a hunch that though Sicko was good, it got too much hype and the Academy are tired of Michael Moore. I am going to straight defer to James on this pick

James says: “I could see them picking no end in sight for the Iraq statement angle but I read recently that No End and Sicko are too big and that Taxi was a great movie about the torturing of terrorist suspects by the U.S. and I think that’s the one that will take it.”

2 Point Categories (Specialty Production Area aka James’ categories)

These are categories that I generally ignore in movies. Yes, special effects are important, as are editing and makeup, but to be truthful it takes a lot to wow me in these areas. James, on the otherhand, loves special effects, editing and makeup so these are his choice areas. With seven total categories, there are a very meaningful 14 points to be won here.

Best Sound Editing
The Bourne Ultimatum
No Country for Old Men
Ratatouille
There Will Be Blood
Transformers

Best Sound Mixing
The Bourne Ultimatum
No Country for Old Men
Ratatouille
3:10 to Yuma
Transformers

Best Visual Effects
The Golden Compass
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Transformers

These three get lumped together because James loved Transformers (trailer below) because it looked and sounded so cool. I saw the movie and thought it looked just fine, but with computers I feel like it was no big deal. What do I know? I did recognize the work done to get good sounds in Transformers, including the robotic “Autobot” noise that all of the good Transformers make when they transform. That noise was spot on from the great cartoon of my youth.

Best Makeup
La Vie en Rose
Norbit
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

I really want to pick La Vie en Rose, the Edith Piaf biopic, just because I think the Academy is too snooty to select Norbit or Pirates. However, the last Pirates movie won a visual effects Oscar. Oh well, this is a James pick, so kudos if he’s right and to heck with him if he’s wrong. As a side note, I must say that I LOATHE the Pirates movies.

Best Costume Design
Across the Universe
Atonement
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
La Vie en Rose
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Its not the Best Pic or Director award that Sweeney Todd will win on Sunday, but at least it will win (should win anyway) this prize. Like the other 4 movies in the category, Sweeney Todd is a period piece, but what sets it apart are how ridiculously dark the costuming is for Sweeny himself and the flamboyancy in Sasha Baron-Cohen’s costume as Sweeney’s rival barber.

Best Art Direction
American Gangster
Atonement
The Golden Compass
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
There Will Be Blood

I don’t know what art direction is. It might just be coordinating all of this other stuff. Beats me. I’m picking Sweeney Todd because it looked very arty.

Best Film Editing
The Bourne Ultimatum
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Into the Wild
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood

Not sure why I’m picking Bourne other than I loved this movie and had one of my favorite shots of the year (its the scene where Bourne jumps off the building into the East River, it looked really awesome).

2.5 Point Category (Original Score)
Apparently, Mr. Phil Wallace feels that original score is better than the other production categories but does not quite deserve the weight of animated film, cinematography or best song (the 3 pointers).

Best Original Score
Dario Marianelli - Atonement
Alberto Iglesias - The Kite Runner
James Newton Howard - Michael Clayton
Michael Giacchino - Ratatouille
Marco Beltrami - 3:10 to Yuma

I did want to see Atonement, as it was the only Best Pic nominee that I missed this year. I didn’t really wanna see it though, because its a girl movie about lovey-dovey stuff, a Titanic for 2007. Apparently though, part of what makes all these girls cry while watching this movie is the music playing throughout. Its all hearsay to me, but thats enough.

3 Point Categories (The almost-important awards)
The three pointers are the lowest valued Oscars that some average people still remember from year to year. Best Song sometimes comes from a big pop artist (Eminem, Elton John, Bruce Springsteen, etc.) and often gets Top-40 radio play. Best Animated Feature is huge, since the academy created this award in order to prevent great animated movies from being nominated and winning Best Pic (a la Beauty in the Beast). Cinematography doesn’t fit with these two, but its the most important technical award and definitely warrants 3 points.

Best Original Song
“Falling Slowly” by Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova - Once
“Happy Working Song” by Alan Menken - Enchanted
“Raise It Up” by TBD - August Rush
“So Close” by Alan Menken - Enchanted
“That’s How You Know” by Alan Menken - Enchanted

I went into this category looking to pick an Enchanted song, but when I saw three, I figured that the voters would all split their selections and none would win. So, I’m going with “Falling Slowly” (video below) from Once, because its basically powered this truly indie film into the mainstream and sent its two starring actors (Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova) on a musical tour, playing sold out venues as the band, A Swell Season.

Best Animated Feature Film
Persepolis
Ratatouille
Surf’s Up

Part of me wanted to pick the foreign, Middle Eastern sensation, Persepolis. Another part of me wanted to pick The Simpsons Movie, even though its not nominated (d’oh). But in year where Ratatouille should have gotten a Best Pic nod, it will have to settle for its best in class award.

Best Cinematography
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Atonement
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood

I’ve heard the good things about Atonement and Jesse James in cinematography, but in an area I know little about, I will pick this years’ overall Oscar favorite and wonderfully shot movie in its own right.

4 Point Categories (The Part of the Movie that Really Matters)
The screenplay categories are the ones I put the most weight on, because I watch movies for great dialogue. If the effects portion was James’ area, screenplay is my area because I love interesting conversation. Nothing kills me more than retarded lines in a movie. Lastly, I think if a movie has a great script, it will always be a good watch, even if everything else is just average (thoughts on that?)

Best Adapted Screenplay (adapted from another work)
Atonement
Away from Her
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood

I think Javier Bardem’s “Friendo” line almost singlehandly wins this category for No Country.., but when you throw in Tommy Lee Jones’ great bookend monologues to the movie, it becomes a no contest in my opinion. Also, I don’t want to forget that this category recognizes achievement in adapting another work. Supposedly, the Coens’ were very faithful to Cormac McCarthy’s novel, even when Hollywood would usually turn towards brightening up an otherwise bleak tale. There Will Be Blood would have a chance if not for the stretches of silence, as its “Milkshake” line is equally memorable”.

Best Original Screenplay
Juno
Lars and the Real Girl
Michael Clayton
Ratatouille
The Savages

The hype building up Juno seems incredibly high, but the script really can’t get enough praise. Diablo Cody gave every character at least one awesomely memorable line, where you either bust-a-gut laughing or really feel the emotion of whats going on. Even if some of the slang used by the kids in the film is just ridiculous (the opening scene with Dwight Schrute is too much), its definitely creative and generally works out wonderfully. Here’s a nice interview with Cody and star Ellen Page over some of their favorite lines from Juno.

Part 2 with the big money picks later today….

We’d love to hear your thoughts on this, or any other post. Email us at editor@thebocker.com

The 80th Academy Awards is on Sunday and, as a newly minted blogger”, I am forced to comment. I just wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t say something about the biggest night of they year for the movie industry. I mean, am I right people? Hello?….Anybody? Well, regardless of your indifference to my opinions I’m going to plug right along. My compadre Anthony will be bringing you his Oscar picks in the next day or two. So if you like scientific breakdowns and overly complex charts, look forward to that. And now, without further ado, let’s get on with the show.

When you think about the Oscars the first question that may come to mind is, “Who will be the host?”, because inbetween the thank yous to people you don’t know and the wooden pre-presentation jokes (Aren’t these people actors? Who taught them to read a teleprompter?) you would like some hilarity to take your mind of the fact that you are wasting four hours of your life watching an awards show. This year that responsibility lies on the shoulders of one John Stewart, of The Daily Show fame. Personally I’m a fan of John Stewart and I don’t remember him doing a bad job two years ago. Of course I don’t really remember him doing any kind of job last year. I’m sure he had some funny jokes and some quicky witticisms, but, to be honest, I’m not really that excited to see him this year. He seems like the safe pick to me. Like the stuffed shirts said, “Young people sure like that Daily Show right? We’ll get that guy and young people will think we’re hip and happening. Not like those squares at the Grammy’s.” I find this quote interesting because the word happening hasn’t been “hip” since the 70s and I never knew the Oscars and the Grammys were rivals.

In the history of the Oscar’s there have been three people that have made their appearance into a memorable experience. Steve Martin, Billy Crystal and Chris Rock. Steve Martin was actually nominated for an Emmy for his hosting apearance in 2001, and has hosted the Oscars three times. I find Steve Martin to be one of the funniest people of all time and his ability to come up with jokes on the fly makes him a fantastic award show host. When you watch a Steve Martin hosted show you know that you’re going to get jokes not only during the opening monologue but also after three hours or four hours. Endurance is a key to hosting especially considering these awards shows go on for so long.

Billy Crystal is practically Mr. Oscar considering he’s hosted the show a whopping 8 times, with his last appearance coming in 2004. He’s famous for his opening montages where he appears in clips from the year’s biggest movies to crack jokes and as well as the song and dance number he does. You gotta love how Mr. Crystal would go all out for these shows and his clips and songs are classics in oscar history.

Chris Rock was a shocking choice by the stuffed shirts back in 2005, but to this day he’s still my favorite host. Not only is Chris Rock the funniest man alive but he brought his fearlessness to the show where he poked fun at all of the big names and had one of my favorite monologues ever. I tried to find you video but instead I’ll just give you one of his stand up routines. If you are offended by foul language then this video isn’t for you.

There is an endless list of worst hosts in Oscar history but two stick out in my mind, Whoopi Goldberg and Ellen Degeneres. Let’s set aside the fact that while both are supposedly comedians neither is funny because we’d be here all day.

Has anyone ever liked Whoopi Goldberg? I know Ghost was a big movie but she’s not really the main attraction in that and I will admit I liked Sister Act, but that’s it. Her radio show failed, her appearances are the view are……sorry, I fell asleep thinking about her. About the only thing memorable about Whoopi’s work as am emcee was her idea for her then boyfriend Ted Danson to put on a blackface/minstrel show routine during her own roast a the Friars’ Club. The photo and video dramatization below (dramatization care of Howard Stern) best outline how Danson’s act went over.

Oh look, it’s Ellen Degeneres. What’s that Ellen? You have a joke about being a lesbian? Hilarious Ellen, simply side-splitting. But Ellen, didn’t you get the memo? Nobody cares. We get it, you’re gay. Woopitty woo for you. I think we’re over it. Shouldn’t you be adopting the next dog you are going to grow tired of and then give away to some random people you meet on the street? Man, after thinking of Ellen Degeneres’ borefest last year I’m starting to feel even better that John Stewart is back behind the helm.

At The Bocker we pride ourselves on our insider knowledge and I happen to have my hands on next year’s list of possible hosts, directly from the stuffed shirt’s themselves. All the names have a few notes scribbled next to them, which I will try and reproduce here.

Dane Cook - Young people love him right? He had that amusing turn in “Good Luck Chuck” and his butt is so damn cute. (I’m guessing a woman wrote this, but it is the entertainment industry so you never know.)

Hannah Montana - My stupid kids made me pay $1,500 each for tickets to this stupid show, but her tour did make a billion dollars and we are looking to bring in that coveted “tweener” category. Maybe we’ll wait until she’s 18. I don’t need anymore lawsuits. (Creepy executive alert!)

Dan Fogler - You know this guy. He’s the creepy friend in Good Luck Chuck as well as the lead in Balls of Fury, that ping-pong movie nobody saw. Why does nobody know this guy? Fine, he’s off the list.

Hillary Clinton - You think I’m crazy but she actually contacted us. Apparently, the election is going well for her and she wants to show off her “fun” side by hosting the show. I didn’t want to tell her that not only was the show after the election, but most of our target demographic finds her scary. Apparentely, she reminds people of their mother and nobody likes their mother. (Note to self: Send mother flowers to make up for “nobody likes their mother” comment.)

A Cute Baby - People love cute babies and that’s a fact. All the women would watch to see the “cute wittle baby, awwww” and all the men would watch because we’ll get a hot swedish nurse to take care of the baby. It’s perfect. In fact, the search is over. Get me a baby. (Four words a man should never yell in a room full of strangers.)

So there you have it. Tune in next year for the 81st Academy Awards hosted by, A Cute Baby. My time is up, you’ve been great. Don’t forget to tip your waiters.

We’d love to hear your thoughts on this, or any other post. Email us at editor@thebocker.com