The Bocker.com

Unbeknownst to myself, a recent proliferation of synthetic human male scrotum bumper adornments has led to a Virginia Delegate, Lionell Spriull, to push forth legislation banning these ornaments from the rear fender of trucks. That is to say, ass-backwards Americans are a getting a good laugh out of hanging fake rubber nuts from the back of their heavy duty pickup trucks and someone in Virginia with a mutation called decency thinks that these perverted truck decorations might be inappropriate.

It is quite possible that I am missing a great bit of humor here because I have never seen a set of “Bumper Nuts” in action on the open road. Most people I know drive a very practical sedan or station wagon and Bumper Nuts would clash greatly with the “School is Open Drive Safe” bumper sticker on most of these cars.

It is also possible that people should be entitled to their first amendment right to speak freely, including displaying a facsimile of a man’s scrotum on the back of their car. Maybe besides the great chuckle everyone and their Grandma gets from seeing a male nutsack flopping in the wind, there is a deeper statement being made about the state of male sexuality in the world today. Unlikely, but I am giving these scrotum showers the benefit of the doubt.

I’d imagine being behind one of these testes trucks for an extended period of time would be like watching a sex scene on film. It would be great entertainment when watching it with your friends, but with family members like grandparents or children, things would get very uncomfortable.

Lets say you are in the car with your Grandma, driving Nona to her doctor’s appointment. You end up behind one of these ball danglers for fifteen whole minutes of your twenty-minute drive. Assuming your grandmother can spot the pair dangling along, you are in for one heck of a drive. You’d probably have to sit through a lecture regarding the state of America’s youth and how “loosey-goosey” kids are today about sex. At the least, you’d have to deal with this big set of balls bouncing around in front of you and your Grandma. If you add your daughter or younger-girl cousin into the car, and you have to quickly explain to Little Katie that “weird dangly thingie” is supporting tea drinkers of America or for saving the soon to be extinct “Pumpkin Slug” (I think a slug is the only animal that could ever resemble a man’s scrotum).

Thus, while one could rationalize hanging Bumper Nuts from a truck’s fender based on the freedom of speech and stupidity (stupidity is not illegal), this fender addition is akin to yelling fire in a movie theater. Lionell Spriull is onto something here and should fight to protect us all from the embarrassment and degradation of truck scrotums.

This story comes to us from WTKR News Channel 3: Taking Action, of Hampton Roads, Virginia.

Please check out BumperNuts.com to read all about the highly durable car product made by this company. Entertaining stuff.